project is coming to an end officially tomorrow, 28th October 2008.

Finally. Woosh!

As the artistic director of the film, i cannot help but feel that though the film is rather SLOPPY and AMATURISH, I feel proud of the efforts i've put into it.

Inevitably, it brought back many memories of my personal past, of how i was once, a girl in love, who had to cope with her boyfriend entering the crazy B.M.T. When I was making this film, i sniggered at how immature girls and boys are, of how they see N.S as the death of their relationship, of how everything will come to an end, of how much "I will miss you", "We need to cherish our time together..." 

Sickening

But crazily true. (for all the little girls now)

I started trying hard to recall what was my B.M.T experience last year, and i realized it was very very brief.

As usual, A levels ended and I whisked off to join my mother for another December.

We were having problems then, the crazy A levels took a toll on our relationship, I was tired, he could not understand why i was so stressed and stayed up every night without sleep to study study study. I could not understand why he was taking it fine, sleeping early, waking up early... I was tired of trying to push him, of fearing for his grades. 

I felt the gap. 

So that december, the break was welcomed. 

Then it actually dawned upon me, a few weeks in, that I am going to miss him a hell lot and i returned early for his christmas. Came January, he shaved bald before entering. 

I FROZED. 

I refused to look at him, because i felt he looked weird and drastically different that i am unable to figure out who he is. 

His parents didn't like me, so i couldn't send him off. I remembered that morning, i woke up extremely early and waited for him at his park to send him off. I feared for his health, his life. 

But i knew i had to let go.

Till this day, i am not sure if I cried. I can't remember.

......

I didn't even have the chance to see his Passing On parade. 

I was sad. Really sad.

.....

Then came the fateful day, i ran away and refused to speak to anyone. 

He came. 

He missed his audition with the military band for me to cure my craziness.

He got enrolled into Sispec. 

.....

Came the day I fell terribly ill. 

Hospitals are not friendly with me. 

He took immediate leave and he came, staying with  me throughout, wheeling me for tests, and endured my nonsensical "what if I die under the C.T scan machine? and how i cursed and swore at the nurses who put the drip for me."

I was grateful.

........

Now two years have passed, and it's almost 10+ more days to his O.R.D (mom still owes me $50 for saying it's R.O.D)

Looking back, we've endured every single bull crap along the way, from stupid confinement, duties, outfield, field trips to emotional turmoil of missing him, my crazy breakdown, fear of how N.S BOYS are horny shit who fucks around to so much more.

Everyone around us broke up. We did not. 

Should i applaud or should i not?

........

He once said that the reason why we stayed together through all these shits (you cannot fathom the amount of shit he has to endure from me.. not your typical shit), is for the fact we fought. We fight almost every other day, and because of that, he never ever let me hide my emotions or feelings from him. He loves CHANTING how couples make it together because they try their best to make it together. 

After N.S, new problems of how GIRLS and i mean pretty girls will start resurfacing again. 

Andrea, dear andrea, you are not very beautiful, or smart, or sexy, or trouble-free. Why are you so "lucky"? Is it always calm and nice before a storm? 

I don't know.

But my B.M.T and N.S experience certainly has been a positive one. 

And i love him even more than i can.

That's why i fear even more now.

xoxo

Andrea

......